Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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