were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Randomize
