i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
