I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
