So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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