She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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