New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
