Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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