i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
