It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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