My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize