Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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