Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Even my vagina gasped.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Randomize
