Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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