cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
sex in a hospital.. check
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
