she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
