Duck Duck Cougar?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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