There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
