Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
