yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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