Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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