I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
