yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
