therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
