So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
