I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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