people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Never let your siblings swipe right.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
