just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
