You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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