new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
