I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
