I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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