He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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