We're like a lot better than the average bears
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
