She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
