I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
