they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
