He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
