My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
