There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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