Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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