he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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