I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
