you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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