Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
