drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
