Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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