i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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