You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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