You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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