i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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