I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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