You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize