I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
