It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
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bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
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My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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