WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
