I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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