note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
