I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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