I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
