She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
