they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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