Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
