I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
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it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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