break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
