i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
